


Just enough

by JosieCarioca



Series: Post War- Snape survives AU [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dom/sub Undertones, F/M, Kink Negotiation, Light Dom/sub, NSFW, Past Domestic Violence, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Psychological Trauma, Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-04-03 17:02:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21482260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JosieCarioca/pseuds/JosieCarioca
Summary: Severus needs reassurance. Evelyn is glad to provide it. (PWP. NSFW. Contains dark thoughts and mentions of past domestic violence).
Relationships: Severus Snape/Original Female Character(s), Severus snape / Evelyn Black
Series: Post War- Snape survives AU [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/839031
Comments: 2
Kudos: 51





	Just enough

Before you start: This was originally posted as part of "Earthly Delights". Looking back I saw it really didn´t belong there, so I´m reposting it separately. So if you have already read all the chapter os "Earthly Delights" you certainly read this one. If you haven´t, enjoy.

Inspired by a request from [VictoriaHomesWriting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VictoriaHolmesWriting/pseuds/VictoriaHolmesWriting)

* * *

  
It all started with some playful, inconsequential flirting.

Severus never thought of himself as capable of being 'playful' or 'flirty'. Then again he didn´t remember a day in his life when being in love didn´t also hurt. Maybe that was the reason he had been so drunk on Evelyn, so inebriated by everything they did together. He had no frame of reference for being in love as a a fun, pleasurable experience. He had no recollection of sex being something done with joy, something he didn´t feel dirty for doing. He had only loved one woman before Evelyn waltzed into his life and made a home of it, and that woman had never seen him as anything other than a friend at best and a disppointment at worse, a nuisance occasionaly.

Sex had never been something he did as a reafirmation of affection, but as a way of punishing himself, or getting fast relief for his frustrations. There was never any connection, any concern. It was a bodily function, something he did because his body could do it. Because it made him forget for a few minutes, It was only at age 39 that he finally found himself able connect lust and love.

And that connection was embodied in Evelyn Black.

For the life of him Severus had no idea what this woman could possibly see in him, but he was thankful. At first, he had readily accepted Evelyn as a close friend. They had enough common interests and enough differences to make everyday coexistence as neighbours and friends something natural, expected even. That he found himself desiring her wasn´t any surprise either. She was desirable, and he had been alone for far, far too long. As their relationship steadily developed into something more, however, he found himself at a complete loss as to exactly why.

The experience of loving and desiring was familiar to him, but being loved or desired was foreign, even a little awkward.

Once he stopped questioning and embraed it instead, Severus was thrown into something not unlike a state of altered conscience. And he found himself behaving in ways he never did before. But of course, as Minerva would often remind him with a victorious smile on her lips, he´d never been in this situation before. How was he supposed to know how he would act when he was happy, if he didn´t recall a time he was happy before? The precious few years he and Lily had been friends were as close to it as he could get, but it was all marred by the presence of his father, of James Potter, of Sirius Black, but most of all it was by the sense of underlying heartbreak that even as a child he could feel regarding his feelings for Lily. He remembered being sure, even as a boy and before he knew what romantic love was, that he was falling for her, and knownig beforehand, like a fullfilling prophecy, that she wouldn´t love him back. So he never told her. He never even tried.

With Evelyn it had been different. They were both adults. They were both in a stage in their lives where they had the clarity of wanting openly, of desiring openly. No games, no schoolyard gossip, no friends and enemies to get in their way. It was just the two of them, they loved each other, and they were grown enough to own their love and live it as they wished.

That was new to him. That freedom.

Of course he had never behaved like this, but that didn´t change the fact that the Severus Snape who smiled, laughed, who went out to the cinema or to restaurants, who picked Evelyn up from work at the end of every day, who travelled with her, who made love to her most nights...that Severus Snape was still him. It was just that he never had the chance to freely be like that before.

Sometimes however, he did things that surprised him a bit. Things he didn´t know he had in him.

It always started with something innocent, something inocuous.

It was a quiet weekday evening when Severus had gone into her office, in her house. He enjoyed spending time there when she was working. He would always bring a book with him or borrow one from her bookcase, and sometimes he brought some tea or coffe for both of them. Then he would sit on the small loveseat she had there, a comfortable and graceful little piece of faux-rococo style furniture she had brought from her old Dublin apartment. He read while she worked on an article, lecture or whatever it was that she happened to be doing. It was a pleasant little routine, just sitting there in silence listening to the rustling of her papers, feeling the comfort of her presence so close.

Evelyn was distracted, looking for something in a pile of photocopies when he came in. She didn´t hear him, of course. Severus had never quite shaken off his penchant for walking in a room without making his presence known, with silent steps and light feet. He didn´t think much anything of it when he decided to approach her from behind and startle her. It was a silly, spur of the moment thing. A little joke. There was definetly nothing sexual in it when he approached and gave her a slight smack on the side of her hip, when she was bent over to pick up a fallen piece of paper. There really wasn´t. He didn´t think it would lead to where it did.

Severus had expected her to startle, maybe laugh, maybe get a little annoyed. What he didn´t expect was that little moan she let out when his hand smacked her over the thin layer of her leggings. He certainly didn´t expect it to send a shiver down his spine either.

Severus should have known by now. He knew Evelyn enough to know she would find a way to turn it on him, to make him squirm.

“Do that again...but harder.”

Severus didn´t know what to do with himself.

There were things he never thought he would be doing as far as sex went, specially not anything like this. He tried to ignore the seed that had been planted, but the request popped up again. In bed. Right in the middle of it. More than once.

“What are you afraid of? Enjoying it?” she teased him.

She was right.

He was.

There were a great many things about himself Severus was afraid of. There was a reason he tried his best to keep tight control over his feelings, over his actions. Because he knew there was a darkness there that needed to be kept under control, stiffled. It crept up to the surface sometimes, and it scared him when it did.

Evelyn did bring up some of his best qualities; qualities he didn´t even think he had in him. It was probably the fact that she had no expectations from him. When they met, Evelyn didn´t know he was a wizard, and she surely didn´t know he had been a Death Eater, or a spy, or any of the things people tended to see in him before they actually saw him. Evelyn got to see the man first, without any of the ugliness that came with. So she had seen whatever good he still had left in him, undeanearth it all.

It scared him that he loved this woman so much, that he would do anyting within his power to make sure she was safe and happy, and yet the her mere touch could arouse things in him that he felt were beyond his control.

“What are you afraid of? Enjoying it?”

He was.

Because sometimes he enjoyed it a little too much. Manhandling her. Pulling her hair. Leaving marks on her. Fucking her hard and rough. Sometimes he enjoyed it a little too much how it felt to have her at his mercy, pinned under his body. To hear her beg for release. He enjoyed it a little to much and he wondered. He wondered how much of it was harmless fun, and how much of it was inner darkness creeping up from beneath the surface. He was afraid of losing control, of hurting her. He was afraid of the fact that she enjoyed it, that she egged him on.

“Do that again, but harder.”

That request had send a jolt of adrenaline through his body. He wanted to. He wanted to hear that low, husky moan come from her lips again. He wanted it.

The sensible part of his brain knew it was just a harmless game. Couples did it all the time. It didn´t necessarily mean anything. But there´s was abridge to be crossed between what he could do without feeling some kind of way and this. It all boiled down to control. How much could he control himself.

Severus remembered he had almost lost it in Spain. That night in the tablao flamenco, after he saw her dance. He didn´t recognise himself in the way he had pulled her out into an alley and pushed her against a wall. He would have fucked her right there, standing up, in some dark corner in a city he had never been to, in a foreign country he had never been to, with tourists dancing and drinking just a few feet away, well within earshot. He would have done it, he was ready to do it. Worse still, Evelyn seemed tempted to just let him. He saw it in her eyes. When he asked her if she wanted, it had taken her a moment. A moment in which she really did consider. When she asked to go back to the hotel, however, he had the presence of mind of releasing her immediately, recomposing himself and hailing a cab.

Severus didn´t quite know what fear was that precisely. That one day, one night, he might lose himself? That one day he might hurt her?

There was a line between what they normaly did and actualy raising his hand on her, even if it was playful, even if it was for pleasure. It just wasn´t that simple. It wasn´t just a harmless game for him.

Some days Severus could close his eyes at night and still feel the dry blow of Tobias´belt against his skin. He could still feel the burn of the leather. He still carried the scars. Worst still, he could still hear the hard smack of his hands on his mother´s flesh. Somehow that hurt more. Severus could forgive Tobias for his own scars, if he had tried. But he couldn´t forgive him for Eileen´s scars.

Severus knew deep inside Tobias had never wanted him, had never wanted a child that was like him. But Tobias had wanted Eileen once. He had loved her once. Sometimes Severus wondered if Tobias had stopped loving his mother when he was born. That child he didn´t want, who was so different from him, so irreconcilably unlike him that Tobias had to strain to show him an ounce of effection. He had chosen Eileen to marry. But Severus? No, Severus Tobias was stuck with from the moment he was born.

Some nights Severus could still hear his mother screaming, imploring him to stop. Then he asked himself why. Why did he do it?...Severus knew he had been a dissapointment to his father. He knew why Tobias couldn´t find it him to love him. But her? Why her? Why did he do it to her? How could his father beat his mother to the point of drawing blood, and then, hours later, sobered up, tell her he loved her?

And she believed him. And so it all started again.

Severus couldn´t help but let those thoughts, those sounds flood his mind every now and then. They were part of him. Of who he was. Of the darkness inside of him. It would never go away, regardless of whatever good Evelyn saw there.

“What are you afraid of? Enjoying it?”

“Maybe...”

Maybe Tobias enjoyed what he did to Severus´mother. Maybe that was the reason he did it. Maybe that was the reason she let him.

“Sev...”

Another night. Another night he couldn´t get that out of his head. Another night Evelyn, in the heat of the moment, said things and asked for things that lit a fire within him, and scared him half to death. Her back was damp, sweaty, pressed against his chest, as he moved inside of her at a savage pace, the wetness tight and gripping around his cock. His fingers tangled through her hair, he pulled, exposing her neck to his teeth. She hissed, she moaned, she begged.

She asked for it again.

Severus could feel his body tense, he felt his control sliping.

“Do it, please...”

He shivered.

“Stop it.”

“Please.”

“Fuck, Evelyn, stop.”

Severus leaned over her, on top of her, thrusting into her, pinning her into the mattress. Hard, fast, erratic. One..two...three...Evelyn pressed her legs tight together, strangling his cock, squeezing his release out of him. Pulsing, begging. Her moans were muffled by his hand over her mouth. Severus didn´t know why he did it. Maybe so she wouldn´t say it again. He would finish too soon if she said it again. He couldn´t take it. But she had already said it. She had asked for it. Severus finished, coming inside her with a low, tormented growl.

“What´s the matter?” she asked, as soon as it was all done, and they lay wrapped into each other, spent, catching breath, his arms wrapped around her, pulling her close, as his now limp cock slid out of her body.

“What are you talking about?”

“What just happened now?”

“Evelyn...”

“Talk to me” she smiled, turning around and pushing a lock of his hair away from his face.

“There´s nothing to talk about.”

“Sev...what is it that you´re afraid of?”

“I just don´t feel particularly inclined to smack you around as we shag. I assume that´s perfectly normal, no?”

“That´s not what I wanted.”

“Lynz, come on.”

“It´s not the same thing, you know?”

“I never said it was.”

“But you have that nagging you, inside your head don´t you?”

“Who´s the mind reader now?”

“If it was just a matter of you not wanting to try something you would have just told me.You wouldn´t be like this.”

“What would you like me to do then?”

“Stop acting like I´m made of glass and you´re afraid of breaking me.”

“That´s not it...”

Evelyn untangled herself from his arms and sat up, covering herself with the sheets, however she could in the mess that was their bed. Severus felt the urge to smoke a cigarrette, but decided against it. He didn´t feel like getting up, his limbs still heavy. He did, however, sit up next to her, his back resting against the headboard.

“Sometimes I feel like you´re punishing yourself.” she told him, laying her head on his shoulder.

“What nonsense is that, Lynz?”

“You keep denying yourself the things you want. And I know you want them.”

“Are you really psychoanalyzing me just because I refused to smack your arse in the middle of sex?” he smirked.

“Is not just that. Every time I suggest something different, it feel like you need to battle with your own conscience to feel 'allowed' to do it. Is not that you don´t want, but...you act like you don´t have permission.”

“What´s the matter with setting some boundries?”

“None whatsoever. But we need to talk about them first, before setting them.”

“Ok, what is it that you want to talk about then?”

Evelyn went quiet for a moment. Then she moved. She tossed the sheets away and climbed on top of him, straddling him. Severus sat back and let her, taking in the sight of her above him, hair toussled, body still glistening with a fine layer of clean sweat, her naked body still bearing the signs of their lovemaking, the love bites on her neck and shoulders, the marks of his fingers where they gripped her hips, the flush on her cheeks, over her breasts. Evelyn was beautiful in any way one looked at. But there was something breathtaking and majestic about her when she stood before him unadorned, undressed, wearing nothing but her own nudity and her own beauty, her hair for a crown and her freckles for jewelry.

Severus let her kiss him, slow and sweet, calm and reassuring. The she pulled back and caught his left hand on hers. That hand that didn´t quite work, half dead, with its semi-paralyzed fingers, broken nerves and torn tendons. That useless hand that forced him to rely on his wand for even the smallest tasks. She took his hand and brought it to her lips, lovingly kissing the knuckles, the mangled fingers, her eyes never leaving his.

“I love you. And I trust you.”

“I don´t trust myself.”

“You´re too hard on yourself. But I trust you." she caught his other hand and repeated the ritual, kissing finger after finger. “I know these hands would never really hurt me. I know you would never really hurt me.”

“You just asked me to.”

“It´s different. Just a hint of pain. No real hurt, love. Just a little. Just enough.”

“What´s even the difference?...”

“A glass of water can parch a man´s thirst and even save his life, but a sea´s worth of water will drown him. That´s the difference. I´m just asking you for a glass. You´re the only one I´d ask this from. The only one who can give it to me.”

Evelyn guided his hands up her thighs. He felt the soft skin over the taught flesh, warm, smooth, inviting.

“Close your eyes.”

The world disappeared from his sight, leaving only the feel of her under his hands, and her voice inside his ears. He felt it as she guided his hands upwards, along her hips, the sides of her body, her back. She let go, and he felt her shift. She had leaned in. he could tell, by her breath on his shoulder, by the feel of her hands along his forearms, the softeness of her breasts against his chest.

“Touch me.” she whispered

Severus let his hands travel along her back, feeling the muscles, the spine, then going down.

“You won´t hurt me, love.”

Severus head her hiss in delight when he grabbed her arse. He couldn´t do much with his left hand, but he let the fingers of his right hand sink into the generous softeness he found.

She gasped.

Severus grabbed and squeezed, certainly leaving marks. Her legs spread further apart, her belly pressed against his, muscles twiching. She leaned into him, as if she couldn´t hold herself up. Severus heard her breath catch, gasping for air. He opened his eyes.

“What do you want?” he implored. “Tell me what do to.”

“Whatever you want, love. Just do what you want. You know I want it too.”

Severus drew circles with the tips of his fingers along the expense of her flesh, down to where her arse met her thighs, running his fingernails lightly as he went. He felt her tremble. He enjoyed it. He enjoyed it a little too much...how it felt to have her at his mercy...to hear her beg for release. He let his hand ghost along, barely touching her. Just to make her suffer. To deny her.

Evelyn´s nails dug into him.

“Please.”

“Please what?”

“Punish me.”

“Lynz...”

“I can´t always be your good girl, Sev. Let me be a little naughty. Punish me.”

Severus gasped. 'Good girl'...that´s what he called her. When they had sex. When he fucked her into oblivion. When she took him to heaven and back. When she gave him what he wanted, however many times he wanted, in however many ways he wanted. She was his 'good girl', then. She was so good to him. So, so good to him. She made him feel like that darkness inside didn´t matter. Like it wasn´t there. Like he could be free and take his pleasure, the pleasure he didn´t feel he deserved.  
And there she was begging him. He couldn´t deny her. He couldn´t deny her pleasure, when she gave him so much. When she was so bloody good to him.

The sound of his hand smacking against her bare flesh filled the room and Severus felt the hot tingle of the impact on his palm.

Once, twice, three times.

She gasped with each one. She squirmed and moaned and called his name. There was no pain in that sound. Just raw bliss.

“Please...” she shook in his arms. “more.”

Severus kissed her shoulder, tenderly, and raised his left hand to support her back, caressing slowly, soothingly.

“Shhh...easy love...”

“Please..”

He didn´t give her more. Not just yet. Control yourself, Severus, he repeated inside his head. Don´t hurt her. Give her just what she can take. Control yourself. He reached down, between her spread thighs. She was wet, so wet. Of her own arousal, of him. So wet. Her flesh was warm, trembling, the engorged lips of her sex openened to let his fingers in, first one, then two.

Control yourself. Breathe.

“Sev, I´m begging you, please.” she sounded like she was about to cry. He was tempted to just finish it right them. Just be done with it. Make her cum. Push further up inside of her, or maybe...he took his fingers out and felt around, looking for that swollen bud above the entrance. He careessed it when he found it, hard and fast and she writhed and shuddered and cried.

“God, please, Sev, smack me again, for the love of God, do it.” she sobbed.

There was no fear in it, no hurt, no pain. There was nothing but complete surrender in her voice.

Severus felt his limbs tingling, his cock getting hard again. It didn´t feel wrong. She wanted it. She truly did. He wanted it as well. He enjoyed it. He enjoyed it a little too much...to hear her beg. To feel her hurt, just a little. Just enough.

“Turn around.” he growled. “Get on your knees,”

And she did. Merlin gracious, she did.

“There´s my good girl.”

Control yourself, Severus, he kept repeating inside his head. Give her just enough. Not too much. Don´t hurt her more than she can take. Don´t hurt her more than she wants. More than she needs. Just a little bit of pain. Just enough to quench her thirst. Just enough to make her thighs tremble without giving out from beneath her. Just enough.

Severus´hand smacked against her flesh. Once, twice...he lost count. Fast, hard, hot. Till the skin was red and tingling. Till she was on the brink of orgasm. She gasped, moaned and begged for more with each stroke. Severus wondered if he could have made her come just with that. The thought made him feel powerful. Made him shudder with delight.

But no, not this time.

Not too much. Just enough.

When Evelyn´s legs finally gave in and she collapsed on the bed, spent yet unfulfilled, tears of frustration streaming down her face, almost there but not quite. That´s when Severus knew enough was enough. He turned her around, kissing away the tears at the corner of her eyes before sheathing himself in her. Her castigated body welcomed him with delirious relief and gratitude.

She was so close, so bloody close. It was like putting one last drop of water on an overflowing glass. Overstimulated, hot, flushed and convulsing, her flesh gave way and then it all shattered and erupted. For a blessed, eternal second Severus didn´t know where his body ended and hers started. For a blessed, eternal second he could feel that delightful pain she talked about, the way it hurt just enough to be pleasure, just enough to undo her.

Just enough.

“Ah...t-thank you, love.”

Was that him or her who said it? It didn´t matter.

There was something dark inside of him that Severus felt he had to control and stiffle. Yet, somehow, within her, his darkness exploded into a million stars all over a night sky. And then it wasn´t so dark anymore.


End file.
